Sunday, August 26, 2012

Why is it so hard to let go?

Have you ever asked yourself why it is hard to let go of something that you know isn't good for you and that you know has prevented you from living fully? Today, I am asking myself that question. Last night, I was thinking about how for 14years, I have lived in the hell of eating disorders. I lost all of my 20s to the stupid Ed. That's so sad to me. I was thinking about how I don't want to lose all of my 30s. Heck, I don't want to lose even one more day to Ed. So, if I want to live fully, if I want to be Ed free... Then why is it so hard to let go of the behaviors?

For me, change is scary- at least most change. When something changes, I feel anxiety. I play the famous what if game. When stopping Ed behaviors, when changing my life, I am making a commitment to leave what I have known and done for years and years. I am making the choice to leave the known for the unknown and that is terrifying! Ed offers so much comfort.... Despite the hell, there is comfort. It's predictable. I know what I'm doing or not doing every single day. While its a living hell, Ed is more comfortable than recovery. Recovery makes me fear losing what little control Ed offers me. I feel it's impossible to control the unknown, hence why it's so hard to let go. So what's the answer?

I must surrender my fears. To do this, even though it's not easy to let go of Ed behaviors and thoughts, it is what I need to do. It is necessary to let go in order to achieve change.... And change is necessary to achieve recovery. I cannot recover without changing. It's like the saying goes... 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!' if I continue to engage in Ed thoughts/behaviors, I will continue to have an Ed. In surrendering my fears, I must be willing to let go of the comfort of Ed, let go of the behaviors I engage in, so that I can create the life God intends for me to have.... A life that is full of life, peace, joy, and true, genuine happiness!

How do we get out? We must remember that the only way out of it is to go through it. I must go through my fear. I must live recovery inspire of my fears. It is okay to have fear. It is okay to recognize my fears for what they are, but then..... I must live recovery despite my fears! As Eleanor Roosevelt said, 'You must do the thing you think you cannot do.' and, each time we do things that are inline with recovery, we make it easier to do it the next time. As I've said before, we can't wait until we feel like doing them, it is by doing the right thing over and over again that we will begin to want to do them. We must live recovery before the Ed thoughts, desires, and behaviors will go away!

Today, I challenge you to do the things you think you cannot do.... Live recovery! What are some things you think you cannot do? Here is a list that may help you....

Follow your meal plan.
Keep your meals down.
Treat your body with love.
Nourish you body and mind.
Take a rest day.
Eat intuitively.
Avoid calorie counting.
Avoid binge eating.
Use positive affirmations.
Ask God for help. He loves you and will help you!
Get adequate sleep.
Stay hydrated.
Throw away diet pills/laxatives.
Ask for help.
Commit to recovery.
Adress to go into treatment.
Tell someone you trust about your Ed.
Email a friend... Or me...I'm always willing to listen!
Be your own best friend.
Go out with friends.
Take a risk.

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