Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Is there an end? All I want to do is binge!
Sunday was a really bad day. I literally wanted to end my life. I sobbed for hours uncontrollably. I talked to my hubby for hours and finally I felt better. Monday,I had new resolve. I again wanted to stop eating in disordered ways. But, Today, I was back to saving calories so that I could eat all the junk food I wanted. So, for breakfast I had a bagel, cream cheese, cottage cheese and a banana. Then, at noon I had a wherthers (saving calories). Then, at 6pm... I was able to binge. I ate 1/2 gallon of ice cream, 4 cookies and 2 Reese's trees. And you know what, the whole time I was trying to figure out how I could do it again tomorrow...and how the next day I could save to eat a whole bag of m&ms. So, my question is, does this ever end??? People say that the desire to binge comes from restricting. But, I do get enough calories at night. And, if I spread them out, i feel like I'm missing out. I just don't know what to do. Do I just need to accept that I Willa,ways be like this?