I wanted to kill myself

When I first started writing here, I wanted to give people hope.l. And I still do... But right now,I don't have hope. In fact, I had feelings of wanting to end my life. I am so sick of being fucked up. I am so sick of not being loved and taken care of. I feel l Ike I can't deal with life and I feel like all I do is cause my husband pain...so I want to disappear. I want to disappear so that he can have everything he wants and deserves. This is not a poor me....it's simply how I am feeling right now. For years I have tried to use food to numb me and make me feel good...well, even that's not working anymore. I keep binging more and more tring to feel good. If I give that up, how will I ever feel good? Right now, I don't see a way out and all I want to do is die.