This is the message I received last nigh... Don take your eyes off God. To be honest, I've hear that a time or two before, but last night, I got it. I cannot take my eyes off of God. For when I do, I feel scared, tempted, depressed, and hopeless.
This week, my husband is away at hunting camp with his dad. I knew this was coming because it's a yearly occurrence. Well, last week, I had the thought, 'I can binge all week while hubby is say!' I got excitebegan immediately began planning my binges. Last night, when I was going to bed, I realized what I was doing. I was falling into disordered eating again. I was giving myself permission to sin. I was telling myself it was okay to sin, 'one more time.' but... It's not okay. Sin is sin. There is no difference, in Gods eyes whether we engage in disordered eating (make food/ exercise our idol) or murder someone. Would we ever say, 'it's okay that he/she murdered someone...they just had to do it one last time and now they stopped? Of course not! Well, my planning to binge was no different.
I spent ime reading the bible last night and found this...
'BLESSED is ANYONE who ENDURES temptation.' James1:12
Who doesn't want to be blessed? What blessings have you been asking for? When I read this, I thought, 'I want to be blessed!' God is the ultimate truth... His word is His promise to us. If I endure temptation, I will be blessed!
I continued to read James 1:13-16...
'no one when tempted should say I am being tempted by God: for God cannot be tempted by evil and He himself tempts no one. But, ONE is TEMPTED BY ONES OWN DESIRE, BEING LURED AND ENTICED BY IT; THEN, WHEN THAT DESIRE HAD CONCEIVED IT GIVES BIRTH TO SIN, AND THAT SIN, WHEN IT IS FULLY GOWN, GIVES BIRTH TO DEATH. DO NOT BE DECEIVED MY BELOVED.'
What was causing my desire to binge? My own desires. I wanted to feel full. I wanted to give myself a lot of pleasurable food. My desires for fulfillment and pleasure are not sinful.... They are from God. But, when I take my eyes off of God, when I turn to my own desires alone, they breed sin.
'Therefore, rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness, and welcome with meekness the implanted word that has the power to save your souls. But, be doers of the word and not merely hearers who deceive themselves.'
We must rid ourslves of our sins and welcome God's word into our lives. We must live his word and not just listen to it and read it. I have listened for years without action and yes, it makes you feel good, but it doesn't change your life. Change takes action!
I must keep my eyes on God. So, I made a plan for the week. I made a plan for what I need to get at the grocery store. I made a plan to give myself pleasure in Godly ways (listening to music, pinterest projects!, going to the bookstore, yoga, hot tub, time with friends, prayer).
Our desires are not evil, but if we focus only on them, the devil has a way of running wild with them and causing us to sin. But, when we keep our eyes on God, we can see those desires more clearly, we can appreciate them and meet them in Godly ways. And, when we do this inspire of temptation to sin, we will be blessed! God promises us that we will be blessed!