Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Sometimes all I want to do is binge

Ahhhhh! For the past few days...ummm maybe years....all I have wanted to do is binge. I don't know why. I wish I did. But I don't. I eat plenty throuout the day but it doesn't seem to matter. I still want to stuff myself with food. I feel like no one understands. I feel so alone in all of this and I wonder if I'll ever overcome it.

I did hear something yesterday on a Joyce meyers podcast that I liked. She said that we often want to get from where we are to where we want to be without having to go through what we need to go through to get there. I did wonder of that's how I'm feeling about binge eating/being healthy. I have been allowing myself to binge for years. Now, I want to stop bingeing and live without any eating dosoder (note... I don't want to be what many consider 'healthy'... Meaning I don't want to restrict, eat a diet meal plan, eat paleo, eat only superfoods, etc.). I want to eat when I'm hungy, stop when I am full, eat foods I like to eat... Including cupcakes, ice cream, butter, bread, etc. but...I am having a REALLY hard time with the inbetween. I mean, I am having trouble with still having the STRONG urges to binge, but not giving into them. I'll be honest, I have been giving into them a lot. I find that I just can't stop myself from doing it. I constantly think about when I can binge and even if I'm planning not to binge, the minute I see an opportunity to do it, like when hubby is going to be away for the night, I immediately seize the opportunity and binge. I search endlessly for a way to stop, but I can't find the answer. Nothing seems to work. I am so frustrated!


2 comments:

  1. I'm completely new to your blog, but after reading this...maybe there is something more to your binge eating? I found when I was doing it, sometimes it was really a lack of control in other parts of my life that led me to want to binge at certain times. It didn't matter how much I ate during the day, there seemed to always be room to binge (even when I didn't want to). Still a battle for me, but talking to someone about other things going on in my life seemed to really help me direct those feelings and I went from binging multiple times a week to maybe once every few weeks. It's so frustrating and lonely feeling, I really hope it gets better for you :)

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