It's been a while since I wrote here, but I have been journalist and talking with people a ton.do you ever feel like you spend too much time trying to figure out why you binge, restrict, purge, calorie count, etc? I have felt like this in the past. I spen a lot of time really trying to figure out why I did it. Now, I realize that was one way of staying in the disorder. For me, when I was busy trying to figure it all out, I wasn't active in stopping the behaviors and for me stopping behaviors HAD to happen in order to start really recovering. When we still engage in behaviors, we allow ourselves to continue the disorder.
Now, I do believe I know many of the reasons why I engaged in Ed behaviors. I wanted to feel in control. I wanted to give myself pleasure and make myself feel good. I wanted to feel special and unique. I wanted to feel the comfort it gave to me. Basically, I wanted to feel really great feelings. Heck, I still do! Doesn't everyone? But, we must remember that the feelings the Ed behaviors give us are fleeting and ey come with real, severe consequences. Sure, some may think... Big deal, I calculate very morsel of food I put in my mouth. It controls my weight and I look and feel great. But, I dare o ask what this is doing to your social and emotional health.
Over the past few weeks, I have learned that there will be times when I want to binge, restrict, calorie count, etc. but, I must choose not to engage in those behaviors. Because, each time we engage in behaviors, it strengthens that habit. So, if I want to live a life free of bingeing, restricting, calorie counting...then, I need to continually be binge, restricting and calorie counting free.
There were a couple times this week when I wanted to save calories to binge, but I literally had to tell myself NO! (loudly) and make the choice to do the right thing.
I do believe that everyone can recover from disordered eating. I believe that the people who don't recover are the ones who truly don't want to fully live without it. I know that was true for me for many years. Yes, I said I wanted to recover, but I wanted half-assed recovery. I wanted to feel good, be normal, have positive thoughts, etc. but I still wanted to control my food and my body. Thank God I am now living with a much different mindset. I want to remain Ed free forever and I know that means choosing recovery. I believe the more we choose it, the more it will just become life and no longer be recovery.
So, for anyone wondering if people can stop engaging in Ed thoughts and behaviors....YES!!!!!!!
I am greatful for my amazing husband. I adore him!
I am greatful for the time I spent with my niece and nephew yesterday.
I am greatful for God!
I am greatful for the gorgeous day yesterday.
I am greatful for peace.
I pray for those who don't know God and have a relationship with Him to come to know Him.
I pray that God blesses hubby and I with a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful, healthy baby. (soon..he he )
I pray for God to guide us in choosing a president that will show God glory.
I pray for all children who are being mistreate, physically and emotionally. I pray that they see God in others and know His love for them.
I pray for the sick that they will be healed.