I couldn't even begin to count how many time I said, 'I just want to be healthy.' I said it when I first started engaging in eating disorder (Ed) behaviors. I said it to doctors in treatment centers. I said it to my parents, boyfriends, therapists, friends, myself... everyone. I was thinking about this today. So many people with eating disorders make that statement, 'I just want to be healthy.'
But, let's be honest here....if that's what people with eating disorders truly want, then why are they restricting, binging, over exercising, purging, trying to maintain a too low body weight, etc.? I can't speak for anyone but myself. So, I will tell you why I did it. I engaged in these unhealthy and destructive behaviors, while professing that I just wanted to be healthy, because I, Karla, really did want to be healthy. I wanted to eat in moderating, enjoy all types of foods (including high fat and calorie foods), move my body, have energy, enjoy relationships, eat with others, have no fear of food, maintain a healthy weight, like and appreciate my body, ect. But......Ed was in charge and it would not allow those things to happen. Ed had convinced me that I needed to engage in unhealthy eating disorder behaviors in order to feel safe, secure, satisfied, fulfilled, in control, etc.
Eating disorders are faithful in that when all else in the world seems to be scary and out of control, they are right there...the familiar behaviors that bring a sense of calm and order. But, the truth is, eating disorders are strongholds. They entrap their hosts with their lies and deceit. They get the person to believe that they need the eating dosorder in order to feel safe, secure, satisfied, fulfilled, and in control. These are all LIES! We do not need to have an eating disorder to be in control, safe, secure, fulfilled, or amusing else. In fact, the eating disorder will actually ensure that you don't have any of those things.
If you truly want to be healthy here is the first step.... Commit to recovery and start getting Ed out of your life!